


Belatedly Yours, HSWC 2014 Bonus Round Fills

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Allll my bonus round fills, Broken Moirallegiance, Bunnies, Drinking Songs, First Ship - Freeform, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Nudity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Partial Nudity and Swordfighting Actually, Sollux doesn't REALLY mean it though, Song - Freeform, Squiddles Wikia Wars, Sushi, Team Signless, The Frozen Bulge Song, canceled flash mob, giant squid with radiation damage, knitted octopus sacrifices, threats of defenestration via airlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-09-29 19:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 11,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10142168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: All my fills from the bonus rounds! These will be postedslowly. Also, they're from four years ago.Some of them might be expanded on, eventually.





	1. what you can't catch, Eridan<>Feferi

**Author's Note:**

> I've been planning to do this for ages! Took me a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan♦Feferi
> 
> Remember when as a little wiggler, Feferi had to hunt for Gl'bgolyb's meal solo? And how she spotted a certain skyhorse and decided that was her target for the day - not knowing that the skyhorse had one very vicious wiggler of his own?

Life was easier when you were smaller! You didn’t have to worry so much about getting around, and you didn’t have to do anything codawful like hunting down lusii for your Glubmom’s meal. You’re not very good at that, not at all, but her whispers would hurt people, she says, and you do not want people getting hurt!  
  
So you hunt down lusii almost all the time, and your schoolfeeding gets done in the in-between-times, and you sleep and eat whenever you can squeeze it in.  
  
You are Feferi Peixes, aged two and a half, and you are _tired_.  
  
  
But sometimes things make it worth it! Like tonight! See, there’s this glorious shipwreck, and you’ve seen a skyhorse returning to it, again and again! He doesn’t seem very terrifying, which might mean an easier time feeding your lusus tonight. And he’s big enough that he should keep Glubmom quiet for a couple of days, which means that lesson in history might have a chance at being done!  
  
So you are Feferi Peixes, aged two and a half, and you are creeping up the side of a beach, trying to be as stealthy as you possibly can. The skyhorse seems distracted, and it hasn’t noticed you yet—  
  
  
Something SLAMS into you, knocking you down onto the sand. Your too-heavy trident is knocked aside, and as you try to catch your breath, your attacker pins you down!  
  
“What the HELL do you think you’re doin?” His voice—and you know it’s a he, because it SOUNDS like a he—has a wwavvy sort of quality to it, and you blink, your head spinning as everything slides in and out of focus.  
  
“I’m, glub, trying to feed my lusus!” That seems to confuse him, and he loosens his grip enough that you manage to wriggle free. He shouts, and you don’t care because you’re bolting across the sand and RIGHT into the skyhorse. Oh, glub.  
  
The skyhorse whickers softly, and starts herding you back towards the rather angry wriggler. Every attempt at escape is met with a gentle reprimand, until you’re right in front of the scowling…seadweller! Those fins are just as regal and pointed as your own.  
  
It doesn’t stop you from baring your teeth at him!  
  
  
He ignores it. “Who the hell do you think you are, sneakin up on Seahorsedad like that? Give me one good reason I shouldn’t cull you right here and now!”  
  
The skyhorse neighs in reply, and he blinks up at it, then back at you. “A tyrian? Like the Empress?”  
  
You glare at him in reply. “I do NAUT have to answer to YOU.” The seadweller rolls his eyes. The skyhorse makes a noise that sounds like laughter. This is going to be a really long night.  
  
  
But they drag you inside, and they get you cleaned up and Eridan (that’s his name!) gets you talking, finally. It’s sort of nice, to be able to talk to another troll. And Eridan seems to want to help you out, once you explain your situation. Who knows, maybe he’ll be sort of useful.  
  
  
  
_(Skip ahead a sweep or so, and you don’t know if you would have made it without him. So maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t bag that skyhorse.)_


	2. not that kind of virus, Karkat<3<Sollux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat♠Sollux
> 
> Remember when one of the many coding viruses Sollux sent to Karkat was one that gave his husktop incessant porn popups?

Sollux Captor is the most annoying piece of shit that this planet has ever had the misfortune to endure. I say this NOT out of any particular emotion for that fucking asshole, but as a warning to all future generations who might have to deal with him or his descendants.  
  
Don’t.  
  
That panrotted shitwit of a wriggler thought it would be _the_ most amusing thing ever to send me a coding virus! And it was an absolute piece of _shit_ , might I add. So I go in and I fix a few things, and it _somehow_ triggers this absolutely hoofbeastshit subroutine that.  
  
Fuck, I _really_ don’t want to talk about it.  
  
…  
  
Okay, fuck, fine.  
  
So it triggers this absolutely hoofbeast shit subroutine, right? And _apparently_ Sollux “Greate2t-2hiit2taiin-Two-Ever-Touch-A-Hu2ktop” Captor polishes his bone bulge by setting up pailvid pop ups on troll’s husktops! Whoop de fucking doo.  
  
  
(He can’t even _say_ husktop right.)  
  
  
  
And what the _fuck_. Captor must spend at _least_ half his free time with his frond down his pants, because _each fucking link_ leads to a different site. You know what that means? That means that the fucking blocking bullshit doesn’t work! I had to go through every single nookchafing link and block each bulgesniffing site!  
  
Who the _fuck_ wants to look at that much porn? Absolutely _no one_ , except, apparently, Sollux Fucking Captor!  
  
I _hate_ h–  
  
…  
  
Haaaah. No. No, nope, we are NOT going there. Definitely not. No fucking way.  
  
  
  
Anyway. Captor, being the sick fuck that he is, took an inordinate amount of amusement in taunting me about his latest “coding masterpiece”. And that was his spew of bile, not mine, in case you couldn’t tell.  
  
So of course I did what _any_ good friend would do, and punched him right in his stupidly smug face. Fuck did that ever feel good.  
  
  
I, er. I’m not entirely sure why he, ah. Followed that up with. Uh. Sloppy makeouts. I mean, fuck. Is sending someone a computer virus that turns their every single handheld husktop control device’s click into a pailvid pop up pitchflirting? Because if so, I missed every single gods damned memo on the subject.  
  
Uh. Right. So.  
  
Holy fucking shit, whatever the hell that Sollux Captor was on to make him think that punching me in the mouth with his mouth was a good idea, I.  
  
…  
  
Fuck. I really hope he has more of it??


	3. presto, Dirk<3John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk♥John
> 
> Remember when Dirk decided to woo that stage magician he had a huge crush on by building John increasingly complicated technical gadgets for his act?

This was the third time that something had blown up.  
Well, okay, things often did blow up around here! I AM a stage magician, after all, and I do a lot of explodey magic!  
But this was an entirely unplanned (although not unprecedented) explosion. Actually, it was almost entirely my fault!  
  
See, Dave convinced me to hire a new tech guy, seeing as Jade’s summer break was JUST about to end. I figured, why not! Which was how I met Dave’s…you know, I do not think that either of them ever told me how they are related. Huh.  
Either way, he is around our age and—according to Jade—highly competent. High praise from Ms. Triple Major herself!  
  
Seeing as Dirk came so highly recommended, I assumed that things would fall right back into that natural rhythm I had going with Jade.  
Things…did not exactly work out.  
  
You see, he keeps building these new stage machines! They are all simply amazing and marvelous and wonderful, to be sure. One produced bubbles in various different colors, and another made rather lovely cobwebs. My favorite was the one that played music when you waved a fan at it.  
  
But. Well.  
  
They are just so COMPLICATED! I simply cannot figure out how to use them without giving my stage or myself some grievous injury.  
  
Even worse are the expressions on Dirk’s face, after every one of those incidents. When I attempt to console him, he remains despondent. When I try to remind him that we have plenty of time to perfect the act, he promises to make something better and vanishes off into his workshop for hours at a time.  
  
As much as I hate to say it, I would prefer innocuous over better! It would be very nice to be able to flip a switch without worrying if anything is going to take your head off. Not that I think Dirk would create anything intentionally harmful!  
  
Well. Not for ME, at least. Jade tells me that he is rather renowned in some circles as a fine maker of fighting robots! I was impressed, to say the least.  
  
Still, I dread having to have a conversation with him about all of his latest gadgets and gizmos. He’s got talent aplenty, that’s for sure! But I wish he would just ask me out already, before I run out of date-worthy shirts. Explosions are rather hard on the clothing!


	4. The Royal Approach, Dirk<3/<3<Eridan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk ♥/♠ Eridan
> 
> Remember when prince Dirk snuck into his rival kingdom's palace at the dead center of their capital intending to assassinate their crown prince, only for it to go horrifically, unpredictably wrong?

Simple assignment. Get in, eliminate the target, get out. Simple enough, right? And he had to do it perfectly, seeing as dear old King Bro had insisted that this be his absolute last mission. Whoever said that it wasn’t proper for a prince to be in charge of the information of a kingdom had a few screws loose.  
  
But fuck, Dave was right. As much as he loved being out in the field, it was dangerous. He was the Crown Prince, Heir to the Most Noble Kingdom of Cordia, and he couldn’t go gallivanting about on assassinations and information gathering missions.  
  
So he had bargained. One last mission, the biggest one of all. And Dave, despite having quite a few misgivings about the whole deal, had agreed.  
  
  
Which led him here. The balcony of Prince Eridan, Second Heir to the Throne of Acamar, one of the most dangerous men in the world.  
  
The fact that he was a second prince hadn’t stopped him from taking command of his father’s armies, and leading them to many a decisive victory. Those who knew him said that he was brave and fearless, willing to complete any task that he might assign to a common soldier.  
  
They also said he was rather arrogant and conceited, and those were the vices that Dirk was planning to play off of. It was unlikely that he would carry a weapon in his personal quarters, trusting his guards to keep him safe. And even if he did, Dirk was one of the finest swordsmen in all of history.  
  
  
Of course, all of his training and preparation had not readied him for the sight of Eridan Ampora, fresh from his daily ablutions, wearing nothing but the towel wrapped around his hips.  
  
Dirk swallowed hard and drank in the sight. No one had told him that the prince looked like sex on legs. “What the HELL are you doin’ in my personal chambers?” Shit, even his voice was…shit, no, do _not_ go there.  
  
Instead, he drew his sword, and advanced on his opponent. It was highly likely that the Acamarian would be a skilled fencer, but seeing as he was currently full dressed and equipped, he had the advantage.  
  
At least, he’d HAD it. Right up until Ampora had grabbed for the sword that was _apparently_ always nearby, completely ignoring the fact that he was wearing _only_ a towel, and stuck in a situation that would send any normal royal panicking.  
  
It seemed that Eridan Ampora was not normal. Just his luck.  
  
“En garde,” said a cold voice, and His Royal Majesty struck.  
  
  
For once in his life, Dirk was outmatched.  
  
  
Ampora fought like he had learned at the hand of the War Goddess herself, each thrust and strike and parry a thing of beauty. Dirk could practically see him running through combinations in his head, calculating his way to victory in the manner that a general might command his forces to advance or retreat.  
  
He wasn’t the least bit surprised when the sword flew from his hand, and the tip of Ampora’s came to rest against his throat. His hands went up in surrender, and he gave the Prince a roguish grin.  
  
“Can’t hardly fault a man for trying, right?” Eridan’s forehead crinkled, as he tried to place the voice. His sword point wavered.  
  
  
“…Dirk?”  
  
  
Oh ho. Dirk pushed the blade aside, ignoring the fact that Eridan had lost his towel at some point during the fight, and wrapped one arm around the Prince’s waist. The other tangled into that dark brown hair, and he pulled Eridan down, into a kiss that seemed to be rather fiercely reciprocated.  
  
Before Eridan could regain his balance, Dirk pulled away and grinned at him. “Nice seeing you, Ampora. Try to keep your pants on next time.”  
  
  
Then he leapt over the balcony, landing near silently and immediately darting into the shadows, the first step of many for the long journey home to Cordia.  
  
Hardly a failure, though. All he had to do was convince his brother of the alternate plan to deal with the difficult Eridan Ampora. After all, Dave _was_ trying find a new ambassador to Acamar.


	5. a kindness once done, Nepeta/Tavros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nepeta/Tavros
> 
> Remember when Tavros found out he was allergic to cats?

When she found out that you could commune with animals, nothing would do for Nepeta Leijon but that you talk to a purrbeast.  
  
This was back in the time of folly and fun, as your lusus liked to call it, which meant that you were more than happy to oblige. It was such a simple request, and after all, it might be fun!  
  
So you cast your mind out, looking for any purrbeasts that might be in the area. Your Trollian chat with Nepeta kept pinging in the background, a very minor distraction.  
  
And then you found one! She seemed to be a rather pretty purrbeast, rather fluffy and well groomed, for all that she wasn’t a lusus. You suggested that she head in your direction for a little while.  
  
  
It wasn’t long before Tinkerbull was opening the wooden entry portal for the young purrbeast, and you hurried over to greet her, petting her soft fur and exclaiming over what a pretty thing she was. Nepeta was sure to be pleased.  
  
Feeling rather smug, you hopped back online and updated your oliveblooded friend on the situation.  
  
The purrbeast—Mrrala, she said—curled up at your knees and started to purr.  
  
And that was when the itching began.  
  
At first it was nothing. Then it was a distraction that was rapidly becoming an annoyance.  
  
And then it was pain and sneezing, itchy watery gaze orbs and jerky movements and convulsions. You vaguely remember Mrrala’s startled and worried yowl, before she bounded out of your hive.  
  
  
Tinkerbull looked after you, for the next half-perigee. Fortunately, once you cleared most of the cat fur and dander out of your hive and off of your clothes, you seemed to be mostly back to normal.  
  
And you survived through explaining things to Nepeta, who sounded horrified, as if being allergic to purrbeasts was some horrible curse to be stricken with. You were fine with it, really. Part of you was sure that Nepeta would never fully believe you on that one, but sometimes, compromises had to be made.  
  
What you regretted the most, though, was not getting to see Mrrala again. You had liked her, she was nice and kind. And then your panic had scared her off, and you were _still_ feeling awful for it.  
  
  
 _(skip forward a sweep or so, and look at a boy who can neither walk nor fly. every so often, meat shows up on his doorstep, and he’s never really understood why, but then, he’s never known why he hears purring at daybreak)_


	6. just try one, Porrim<3Eridan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porrim♥Eridan
> 
> Remember when Porrim and Eridan went on a sushi date?

It was sheer luck that you had found the place. None of the trolls could even remember who had visited a sushi restaurant while they were alive, and liked it enough to bring the memory along with them. Of course, it HAD to be one of the Beforan trolls, because you knew every decent place on Alternia, and this didn’t look like any one that you had ever seen.  
  
Now that you had the restaurant down, you just needed to convince Porrim to go with you. Cronus’s (exceedingly unhelpful) advice was immediately disregarded, and somehow, you managed to coax her into making an appearance.  
  
Perfect date, perfect setting, and you’d managed to think hard enough to ensure that you had perfect weather. Hell, an alternate Kanaya had even managed to forgive you enough to help you find the perfect outfit.  
  
  
But you were Eridan Ampora, and nothing could ever go completely perfect for you.  
  
Which was why you were sitting in a memory of a sushi restaurant, with your utterly gorgeous date, who was staring at a plate full of nigirizushi.   
  
Apparently she had some issues with your choice of food.  
  
  
“That one’s unagi.” You gesture at it, then at the one next to it. “And that’s tako. This one’s anago, that’s ika, and that’s tamago. The green stuff is nori, and the white stuff is sushi rice.”  
  
Porrim blanches. “I am not eating any of that.”  
  
Sigh. You roll your eyes and pick up one for yourself, a rather nicely cut piece of squid. “The unagi is freshwater eel, the tako is octopus, the anago is saltwater eel (and much better if you ask me), the ika is squid, and the tamago is egg.”  
  
She promptly steals all of the egg sushi for herself, making a face when she hits the nori. “And what, exactly, is this?”  
  
“Dried seaweed. Oh come on, don’t peel it off!” You huff at her, and she glares at you, and you decide to compromise by stealing the bits off of her plate.  
  
It’s a good thing no one else was in this dream bubble, or you might be face with rather annoyed chefs.  
  
  
Five minutes later, and she’s finished off all of the egg. You’ve left one of each dish in front of her, with a few standard tuna and salmon besides. “Just try _one_. C’mon, Por. Where’s your sense of adventure?”  
  
“I thought you promised not to call me that?” She raises an eyebrow. You raise one right back. Porrim sighs and picks up the least unusual one, a nice piece of freshwater eel.  
  
Total silence reigns.  
  
  
Then she tugs the plate a little closer to her side of the table, and your face splits into a wide grin. “I _knew_ you’d like it.”  
  
“Shut up, Eridan.”


	7. potential death by raging karkat, Dave<3Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave♥Jade
> 
> Remember when Jade surprised Dave by asking him to prom before he got the chance to ask her?

You had the whole damn thing planned out. It was completely cheesy and practically perfect. A scavenger hunt, leading out to the quad, where you had organized a flash mob. You know. For the irony of it.  
  
  
Let’s back up a little.  
  
  
Jade Harley. Gorgeous, brilliant, your best friend, and so far out of your league that you weren’t even playing the same damn game. Seriously, she was the World Series and you were Little League baseball. No way in hell she wouldn’t already have a date for prom.  
  
But days turned into weeks, and the mysterious date showed no sign of appearing. You started to hope. And hoping led to planning, and planning led to a school-spanning hunt for clues and the most epic organized event of spontaneous dance that your small town had ever seen.  
  
Hell, you even got John’s older sister to teach you how to make cupcakes, and you went sentimental enough to dye them in red and greed, which won you way more teasing from Bro and Dirk than you ever wanted to deal with again.  
  
Unless it was for Jade. You could deal with teasing for Jade.  
  
  
So it’s March 22nd, 8 AM, four hours until D-day. You’re so fucking pumped for this that you’re starting to think you might need to puke. John is doing his best not to be amused, and Karkat has just decided that you’re a fucking idiot and YES he knows his part of the goddamn dance routine, were the nerves making you mistake him for some other shitstain with half a brain and no sense of when one of their best fucking friends needed a hand–  
  
His rant went on a lot longer than that, but you sort of tuned him out after the first few lines. Seriously, the kid could really talk. No wonder he did so well in marching band.  
  
Anyways, it’s three and a half hours to go, and you walk into your first class of the day. You’re actually kind of early for once, and the classroom’s nearly empty. Harley, the ever-early student, is doodling on the board.  
  
“Hey Dave!” Holy everything, she didn’t even bother turning around. “Mr. Tam canceled class today.”  
  
“Well fuck, if I had known that, I might have slept in. What are you doing here at this awful time of the day?”  
  
“Asking you to prom!”  
  
…  
  
What.  
  
  
She moves away from the board, and it’s covered in drawings and scribbles, presumably the two of you having a ball at prom. Pun fully intended. And she had even written “Will you go to prom with me?” in big capital letters.  
  
You sat down hard.  
  
Typical Harley.  
  
…  
  
Karkat was going to kill you for canceling the flash mob.


	8. radiation damage, Bec & Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bec&Jade
> 
> Remember when Bec played fetch, but brought back the wrong thing? So very, very wrong.

I am really awful at routines! I mean, Bec TRIED to keep me on schedule, but there is just so much to do that there was no way I could manage it all! It was a pretty big house, you know, and there was a whole island to explore, not to mention all my plants and machinery and such.  
  
But there was one thing that he ALWAYS insisted on, at least once a week. You see, Bec loved to play fetch! He had so much fun coming up with new ways to catch the ball or bullet or stick, or whatever we were playing with.  
  
I would tell him that it was the only exercise he ever got, because he was so lazy that he teleported EVERYWHERE. But he cheated on fetch too, so it was not like he was actually getting a workout anyway.  
  
  
Sometimes fetch would get a little weird. Er. See, one time I threw a stick really far! And Bec just could NOT find it, so he brought back an entire tree. John said it was a redwood! And that I should try carving a canoe out of it!  
  
Actually, I started on carving one, but then we got kind of busy with the meteors and everything, so I think it might be somewhere on LOFAF. Anyways!  
  
  
Our WORST EVER game of catch was this one time when we were playing with a tennis ball. I am still not entirely sure how it happened. See, I tossed the ball out towards the ocean, as a joke. And Bec ran in after it!  
  
You have NO idea how worried I was. I was only eight! So I ran up and down the shoreline, shouting his name. He had dived under the water, and I had no idea what was going on. Then the water start to froth and foam, and there he was!  
  
A flash of green, and he teleported right next to me. Then a GIANT squid appeared and landed smack dab in front of me! I SCREAMED and ran away.  
  
Of course, it turned out that the squid had somehow managed to swallow my tennis ball. We shoved it back into the ocean—well, I did, Bec watched—and Dave and Rose and John said that there was a news article on it!  
  
You know, they never did manage to explain the radiation damage on the poor little guy.


	9. the usual sort of sacrifice, Feferi/Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feferi/Rose 
> 
> Remember that time when Rose Lalonde used dread and terrible maggicks to summon Emmissary of the Outer Rings, Feferi Peixes, who turned out to be rather friendly for a horrorterror's daughter and perfectly willing to take a knitted octopus as a sacrifice?

She had set everything up perfectly. Summoning rituals that used the dread and terrible maggicks were delicate things that even a grain of sand or salt could disturb, and Rose had made sure the sweep the area completely clean before she proceeded with her task.  
  
A drop of blood, a perfectly drawn summoning diagram, and the words of the ritual, in a tongue that made her feel as if she was gargling salt water and oil all at once. There was only one teensy weensy mistake, which just so happened to have rather far reaching consequences.  
  
  
The room grew dark, and shadow patterns played over the walls, as a scent of salt water filled the air. Rose kept chanting, her eyes locked on the figure that was rising up out of the circle.  
  
It looked…rather human-ish, for the Emissary of the Outer Rings. This was. Most unexpected.  
  
As was the creature’s first set of words.  
  
  
“Hi there!”  
  
Maybe that translated into something else? Rose flipped through her spellbooks frantically, as the creature, short of stature and fluffy of hair peered at her through a pair of pink-rimmed goggles. “Whatcha doing?”  
  
“I, ah. Am attempting to figure out where my mistake was?” Apparently this particular horrorterror knew English. This was a rather surprising development.  
  
“Nope, it was perfect! Except for the sacrifice, but people don’t usually do that part until we actually show up and all.”  
  
“And you truly expect me to believe that you are the Emissary of the Outer Rings?”  
  
“Yup! Feferi Peixes, at your service. Why exactly did you summon me again?”  
  
“I. Uh.” To see if I could do it seemed like such a silly answer, when presented with this cheerful girl. The only thing odd about her had to be the rather grey skin tone. And the horns. And the fins. Okay, so there were rather a few rather odd things about her, but she seemed to be a distressingly _human_ sort of monster.  
  
  
“Oooh!” While Rose had been lost in thought, Feferi had spotted her bag of knitting. “You’re so good at that! I keep fouling up the pattern. I can bake, though!”  
  
 _A horrorterror who bakes. They will never believe me._ It was about that point that a horrific realization dawned on Rose. She had completely forgotten to procure a sacrifice. Feferi was talking again, and Rose blinked up at her. “I’m sorry?”  
  
The horrorterror’s daughter (yes, she _had_ read something about a Peixes in one of those harder to translate tomes, hadn’t she?) beamed at her. “No problem! I wanted to know if I could see what you’re working on!”  
  
This girl had to be the most cheerful denizen of the Outer Rings that Rose had ever met. Mutely, she opened her knitting bag, only to be nearly deafened by a squeal. “An octopus!! It’s shoal cute, oh my cod!” Fish puns. Of course it would be fish puns.  
  
“Er. Would you be willing to accept it as a sacrifice, oh noble one?”  
  
“Sure! It’s adorabubble! Oh, and you can call me Feferi, I’m naut reely into the whole TITLE thing.”  
  
A horrorterror named Feferi. This was going to be an interesting year.


	10. longing and love songs, Summoner<3Mindfang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summoner♥Mindfang 
> 
> Dor, from Romanian, is longing for someone you love, combined with sadness. Implies the need for singing sad songs.

She taught you to waltz, once upon a time. She taught you to waltz and you were awful at it and she couldn't stop laughing. It was edging on dawn, and she insisted that she could hum the song proper— _well_ enough for you to learn, and she'd sung under her breath as you did.  
  
You tripped over your own feet when you heard it, and she'd gotten indignant until you had started singing something on your own. Shit, you. You weren't the best at singing, but your lusus had taught you, everyone's lusus had, and it was a lullaby as old as the stars.  
  
  
_I’ve a love as pale as the stars,_  
_I’ve a love as dark as the storm,_  
 _And I’ve a love that keeps me from harm_  
 _Though I don’t have your love._  
  
_I’ve a love that softens my heart,_  
 _I’ve a love that sharpens my blade,_  
 _And I’ve a love that calms my own mind_  
 _If only I had your love._  
  
_I’ve a love that brightens my world,_  
 _I’ve a love that darkens my night,_  
 _And I’ve a love that shows me the way_  
 _And now I have my own love._  
  
_I have a love as sweet as a song,_  
 _I have a love as red as a flame,_  
 _And I have a love with whom I can dance_  
 _For you are my own true love._  
  
  
She had smiled at you for that, smiled at you and laughed and took up your hands, and you sung it together and she showed you another dance, and another, until the sun had streaked the skies.  
  
It hurt, didn’t it just? To see her like this and remember her like that. She wasn’t supposed to be like this, not broken, not bleeding, not whole. She was supposed to be laughter and dancing and tricks and light.  
  
You curled up and cried.


	11. come sailing hivebound, Disciple <3 Signless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disciple<3Signless
> 
> Dor, Romanian, The longing for someone you love very much, combined with sadness, and implies the need to sing sad songs; its etymology relates it to “dorinta” which means wish.

She had pestered her lusus for love songs of every sort, and sighed over the best and cried over the saddest. Then she went off and made up stories for all of the characters, stories with happy endings, so that no one would ever have to live without their love.  
  
_Come sailing hivebound to me_  
_On the midnight tide_  
 _Come sailing hivebound to me_  
 _And stay here at my side_  
  
_You’ve been gone for many a sweep_  
 _Too far from my side_  
 _And I’ve been longing for your love to keep_  
 _Although my hands are tied_  
  
_Come sailing hivebound to me_  
 _They’ve locked my heart away_  
 _Come sailing hivebound to me_  
 _I’ll be here ‘til the day_  
  
_I’ve been gone for many a sweep_  
 _I wish that I could stay_  
 _Someone sang my love to sleep_  
 _And sent me on my way_  
  
_I’ve been gone for far too long_  
 _And you’re gone longer still_  
 _I’ll watch each time the tide rolls in_  
 _There’s an ache I cannot fill_  
  
_Come sailing hivebound to me_  
 _Though we’re far apart_  
 _Come sailing hivebound to me_  
 _For you still have my heart_  
  
The walls of her cave were painted over in the most brilliant colors she could manage, reds and golds and blues and greens and everything else. It wasn’t enough. No matter what she painted, she couldn’t find a happy ending for them anywhere, not even in his other world, the world of dreams and peace and harmony.  
  
“Come sailing hivebond to me,” she whispered, curling up underneath a painting of her love. “For you still have my heart.”


	12. two-bit wannabes, Dirk<3<Sollux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk♥/♠Sollux
> 
> That dystopian cyberpunk AU where they're members of the same group of rebels looking to take down the Condesce.

“He is the most absolutely infuriating asshole that I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet!” Your lisp makes that nearly incomprehensible, but you’re sure that Karkat got the gist of it. He raises an eyebrow at you, and you snarl, throwing off a shower of sparks.  
  
It’s not a new complaint, and his reaction to the whole deal is to pour you a glass full of the headache remedy that Aradia always keeps on hand. Standard procedure. He attempts to pass it over, and you bare your fangs.  
  
“Fuck off, Captor, I’m not the one you want to shred and you know it.” He’s right, and you let out a groan, before downing the godsawful drink. It tastes like shit, and Aradia won’t tell you what’s in it, but damn if it doesn’t work. “Feeling better?”  
  
That gets a grumble, and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a shit. What the hell did he do this time?”  
  
You sprawl out on the couch, glaring at the ceiling like it’s just kicked your lusus. “He offered to have a friend of his check my coding, as if I was some two-bit, wanna-be script wriggler! Where the fuck does he even get off?”  
  
Karkat sighs. He bitches constantly about his unofficial rule as the group counselor, but he’s never turned any of you away. “I thought you said that was standard procedure? Especially when we’re trying to hide from, oh, I don’t know, the Imperious Bitch herself?”  
  
“It was the _way_ he said it, KK.”  
  
  
That hadn’t gotten you any sympathy, and you had headed back to the simroom to check your figuring yourself. It wasn’t that you _thought_ you were wrong, but it never hurt to be completely sure.  
  
The room booted up in lines and circles of red and blue, and you grinned, your own eyes lighting up to match the display.  
  
“Impressive.” Fuck, not him again. “That has to be the fastest I have ever seen a room boot up.” Dirk Strider, bane of your existence, was leaning against the doorframe.  
  
“What do you want, Strider?” Damn the lisp. You could practically feel his smirk.  
  
“Just wondering if you needed any help with that,” he drawled, pushing off of the wall and swaggering into the room. His suit was black patterned in orange, to match his eyes, and you had told Terezi that it made him look like human Halloween had come early. “Wouldn’t want us getting caught because of a mistake, right?”  
  
Someday, you were going to shove him out the airlock.  
  
…just as soon as you found a replacement mechanic.


	13. command: alt+U, Dirk & Roxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk & Roxy
> 
> AU where Condesce doesn't accidentally wipe out humanity but instead whips them up into a galaxy conquering force. Thousands of years later, Dirk and Roxy are proud of how much ass they kick for the New Empire but they feel conflicted when they find out their Ancestors were rebels.

“Boom, headshot!” She giggles over the microphone, and you grin at your screen. That was a third of the Sagitta fleet wiped out, in one very sweet maneuver.

“Nice one, Rox.” You would be lying if you said that you weren’t crazy proud of her. Roxy Lalonde had come very far from that too-eager girl with a minor soporific problem that you had met on your first day at the academy.

Another bright giggle. “Thanks, Di-Stri! We still meeting up with everyone for lunch later?”

“Of course. See you then.” Lunch with “everyone” is an interesting affair. Your best friend Jake and Roxy’s best friend Jane don’t exactly agree with the Condesce’s plans for expansion. It made sense to you and Roxy, the humans needed room to spread out, and with any luck, you could find a planet where the trolls could recreate their society. But they seemed to have taken up against the cause, in as quiet a way as possible.

Rebels were not tolerated, and you and Roxy were nothing if not loyal.

Still. If Jake and Jane really _did_ come out heavily against the Condesce, you weren’t sure if you would be able to turn either of them in. It was a question that kept you up some nights.

 

So lunch was tricky, and you all did your best to keep the banter light and friendly, and away from any topics that might cause dissension and strife.

 

Until today.

 

“Here.” Jane tossed two folders down on the table, and strode out of the room. “Read _those_ and tell me this ludicrous lunacy is in _any_ way proper!”

Roxy called after her. “You’re starting to sound like Jakey, Janey!” ‘Jakey’ just shook his head at the two of you and took off after Jane. Roxy slumped.

“Look, Rox, she’s obviously in one of her moods. We’ll read the files and send her terrible detective memes until she cheers up.”

That gets a weak smile, and she pulls the file labeled “Lalonde” towards herself as you flip open the one marked “Strider”.

 

Oh.

Oh shit.

 

Your Bro. The famous movie maker, holy shit, he was on every page of this thing. Newspaper articles, clippings, tons of stuff that you had seen before. But Jane had included logs of conversations between him and Roxy’s Mom. And in doing so, she had offered you both incontrovertible proof.

Your Ancestors were rebels.

TT: You do know that this will probably end in our deaths, Dave.  
TG: i know  
TG: but believe me im not scared in the slightest  
TG: im thinking of it as a chance to bring about a better world for my future little bro  
TT: Then I will consider this as a chance to offer the same for my future daughter.  
TT: …  
TT: Good luck, Dave.  
TG: same to you rose

You look up and meet Roxy’s eyes. She’s wearing a horrified expression that mirrors your own. Forget detective memes. Jane had known exactly what she was doing, and you weren’t sure that you would ever be able to forgive her.

 


	14. les mis(sed the point), Aradia<3Feferi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aradia♥Feferi
> 
> Hemospectrum role-reversal(/les mis?) AU: Feferi is a mutantblood seadweller, the lowest possible hue on the hemospectrum. Aradia is the heiress apparent to the Alternian empire. Aradia and Feferi hit it off with each other. Which is sort of unfortunate, given that Feferi has inadvertently sparked a lowblood revolution (with a lot of singing)

“Tavros, they’re singing again! Oh, it’s so adorable!”  
  
“Uh…Aradia, they’re trying to revolt. You…you do know that, right?”  
  
“But look at them!” Tavros sighs. Her Imperial Luminescence is exceedingly difficult to convince of anything once she gets the bit between her teeth.  
  
 _With the rising of the dawn  
Comes the ending of our world  
As the seas all catch alight  
Watch our banners come unfurled  
And in the twilight of the day  
We shall finally find our way  
There’s no one who can tell us we are wrong!_  
  
“Wow, they must have practiced that harmony for ages.”  
  
“AA, they want to overthrow you, we’ve been over this AT LEAST TWENTY TIMES.”  
  
“Ooh, the one with the curvy horns is cute!” Sollux throws up his hands (and his paperwork) and storms out of the room. Aradia had to be the most difficult to deal with Empress to ever exist. Who the hell thought a rebel leader was _cute_?  
  
 _Our ships will catch the wind  
And our seas be clean and free  
And we’ll rise up once again  
If you’ll join in and follow me!_  
  
“Your Luminescence, I would really recommend that you not get involved with–“  
  
“Oh, don’t _worry_ , Kanaya! I’ll be fine. Do you think you could have that dress ready in time? And I’ve told you, call me Aradia!”  
  
Karkat hadn’t even bothered to try, and Nepeta thought the whole thing was purrfectly adorable.   
  
Who else but Aradia Megido, Her Imperial Luminescence, ruler of the Great Alternian Empire, would attempt to invite a rebel leader to tea?  
  
  
“Now,” said Aradia, leaning over her cup, with a rather wicked gleam in her eye. “Tell me about your revolution! How did it get started again?”  
  
Feferi Peixes beamed at her. The Empress, contrary to popular coldblood belief, was proving to be very nice! And…rather attractive, if she did say so herself. “Well, it was _sort of_ an accseadent! Long story, reely.”  
  
This was _not_ going to end well.


	15. Wikia Wars, Jade & Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jade & Rose
> 
> Troper Critical Mass: A series with a TV Tropes page that is constantly edited by a number of tropers. (Rose and Jade find out they've been editing/adding to the Squiddles TV Tropes page or something along those lines.)

Jade Harley opened up her laptop. The document that she had been working on was still pulled up, and Jade started up the latest track that she and Dave had finished before she got to work on her edits.  
  
It had taken a great deal of time and effort to get the Squiddles TV Tropes page up to its current caliber. As silly as it might sound, Jade was very proud of the good work that she had done for that particular wiki: Each episode was painstakingly summarized, with the spoilers hidden, and she had taken the time to set up pages for the various “crowning moments”.  
  
Yes, everything about her work was perfect. But that was just the thing—everything about _her_ work was perfect.  
  
  
The Squiddles page had always been fairly empty. True, people visited it regularly, and some even left comments and compliments. But up until now, Jade had been one of the few, if not the _only_ editor of the page.  
  
Lately, some upstart had been editing _her_ work, adding in flowery prose and phrases. It hadn’t been so bad when that upstart had stuck to Wild Mass Guessing and Your Mileage May Vary, but now she was moving into the real pages, Jade’s sworn territory.  
  
And she simply couldn’t stand for this! Who the _hell_ thought it would be sensible to add an Eldritch Abomination trope on the main page? That was speculative at best, and slanderous at worst! No, Jade had to fight fire with fire, so she typed up a furious message to her good friend Rose Lalonde.  
  
  
Her “battles” with this rather misguided troper had become near-legendary, with pages after pages of data being added to the Squiddles page. It was becoming one of the most detailed and well thought out pages on the TV Tropes wiki, and it had garnered quite a bit of interest. Jade had become so engrossed in the whole thing that she didn’t even notice how long it took Rose to reply.  
  
TT: You mean, you’re gardenGirl?  
TT: Well.  
TT: This was certainly an unforeseen circumstance.  
GG: so that makes you tactfulTherapist!!!  
GG: you are going DOWN  
TT: I suppose that this leaves me with only one method of recourse.  
TT: En garde, Ms. Harley.  
  
  
The battle turned into an all out war, as they scoured the internet for the slightest mentions of upcoming events, linking back to various videos as “proof” to back up each newly added trope. And the whole thing went from near-legendary to the stuff of Troper Mythology.  
  
For a while, it seemed as if the fearsome fighting would never end!  
  
Of course, if it didn’t end, I, John Egbert, would not bother telling you this story in the first place!  
  
You see, the outcome of all of this tomfoolery was that Jade’s work and Rose’s work won some kind of weird award! And they decided that maybe they worked better as a team. The last I checked, they were hitting up the Wikipedia page for the Squiddles show!  
  
(Dave and I have a bet on how long it takes them to get banned.)


	16. That One Drinking Song, Team Signless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psiioniic/Signless/Disciple/Dolorosa
> 
> Drunken Song- They all get drunk enough to start singing.

Signless blinked blearily at the clearing. His thoughtmelon was throbbing, and he felt certain that someone had drilled a hole into his thinkpan. _What the hell did we get up to last night?_  
  
  
“Ohhhhhhh, bulges are better when wetter! And every troll would agree!” Psii lisped his way through the first verse of the sweeps old drinking song, and Mother raised a hand to muffle a rather unladylike snort. The Disciple watched the pair of them with wide eyes, as if she couldn’t actually believe what was happening.  
  
As for me, I was fairly shocked myself. I mean, Psii singing a dirty drinking song wasn’t all that surprising, but the fact that Mother seemed to know this song as well? Holy shit.  
  
Things only got worse from there. Mother slung an arm around Psii and raised her bottle into the air. “That the bulge of a dweller who lives in the sea is the only bulge that isn’t free!” They even fucking harmonized on free. This was going from bad to worse.  
  
“I once had a moirail who had a kismesis whose matesprit was pailing a coldblood!” I cast a horrified glance at Disciple. Maybe the two of us could stop this madness before it got any worse?  
  
But my beloved was sniffing at one of the half-full bottles, and before I could stop her, she had downed more than half of it. “Beloved? Are you alright?” She hiccupped, then grinned at me. “…uh.” Mother gestured at her, and the Disciple raised her voice in a caterwaul. Oh, gods.  
  
“They snapped their poor bulge off as frozen as ice sticks and told them that pail was a real dud!” This was the most horrifying thing I had ever experienced, and I covered my face with my hands, all too conscious of the bright red flush staining my cheeks.  
  
“That line doesn’t even make sense! Seadwellers can’t freeze bulges, it’s anatomically impossible!”  
  
Psii blew a raspberry at me, then started on the chorus. “Ohhhh, bulges are better when wetter! That’s always been true to me! But the coldbloods won’t listen–“ and here Mother joined in– “They gripe and they glisten!”  
“As we all try not to freeze!”  
  
Alright. Fuck it. If you can’t beat them, join their stupid ass shenanigans that were likely to get us all captured or murdered for disturbing the peace. Or what passed for peace on Alternia anyway.  
  
I downed the entire untouched bottle that had been left for me, and then jumped up onto a good-sized boulder. “So beware all the coldbloods who offer you quadrants, with their fins and their pointy shark teeth!” Psii and Mother toasted me, and the Disciple gave a delighted purr. “’Cuz I once had a moirail who knew a poor warmblood! Whose bulge just so happened to freeeeeeze!”  
  
Damn. That was the highest note I’ve ever hit.  
  
  
I’m so going to regret this in the evening.


	17. I can't dance (yet), Equius<3Kanaya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Equius<3Kanaya
> 
> I Can't Dance: A character refuses to attend a dance because they don't know how to. Another character then teaches them in no time flat. (Equius is a terrible dancer until Kanaya comes along and helps him.)

Equius squirmed uncomfortably. This was the worst idea that any troll had ever had. “Kanaya, I understand that you mean well, but I _really_ must insist that you cease this foalish en—I mean, foolish endeavor.”  
  
Kanaya wore a rather maddening smile. “And why, exactly, must I cease this endeavor?”  
  
“Because,” said Equius, who had begun sweating in rather embarrassing quantities. “I don’t dance, as you well know.”  
  
“Oh Equius. Don’t be silly. I know you can.” It seemed as if she was absolutely determined to drag him through this torture, but Equius refused to admit defeat. After all, he was a highblood, more regal and refined. This impudent jadeblood would eventually realize the fact of his superiority and apologize for her crass behavior.  
  
 _Of course,_ a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered, _dancing is a respected highblood pursuit._  
  
 _Not a chance,_ he thought back, ruthlessly squashing the tiny voice. Then he turned to Kanaya, ready to bring the full force of his superior blood to bear on her.  
  
She performed a jazz square.  
  
“If I can do _this_ ,” and she showed him again, “then you can do that.” And she did a simple one-two step. “Would you like to learn waltzing first?”  
  
“But I don’t dance!” Equius protested, desperate to somehow escape from this situation.  
  
Kanaya was starting to look tired of the whole debate, and she grabbed his hands, pulling him from his seat. Unwilling to hurt her for no good reason, he stood up rather awkwardly. “You never know, Equius.”  
  
“Oh trust me, I know.” She wouldn’t take that as an answer, tugging him into the certain of the room.  
  
He nearly made a break for it when she started trying to position his arms and legs properly. “You’ve never _tried_ ,” insisted Kanaya, looking exceedingly frustrated.  
  
“There’s just, it’s, this one little thing–“ Equius proceeded to nearly trip over his own feet, landing hard on the floor. “It stops me every time!”  
  
The look Kanaya gave him was exasperated, to say the _very_ least.  
  
“I don’t dance!”  
  
  
  
When two equally determined trolls go head to head, the outcome is generally uncertain. This was not the case with Kanaya and Equius.  
  
About a perigee or so after their first lesson, Equius could dance flawlessly, in any form or fashion. Now all Kanaya needed to work on was the dancing in public part of the deal.


	18. explosions, Jane/Terezi/Aradia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jane/Terezi (/Aradia) 
> 
> Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions  
> (Cool guys don't look at explosions  
> They blow things up and then walk away  
> Who's got time to watch an explosion?  
> There's cool guy errands that they have to walk to)
> 
> (except for when, in Aradia's case, they are gleefully watching)

One of the best parts of being on a star crime solving team, in Jane Crocker’s opinion, was how much of a badass you ended up looking like. Oh true, she had been dragged off on more midnight car chases and death-defying escapes than she could count—what else did you expect, with Terezi Pyrope as a partner—but it often ended up as being totally worth it.  
  
This latest case, one that would surely be among their most renowned, was no exception. They had been on the trail of a notorious mafia boss, Richard “Dick” Galore, also known as Jake Harley. It had been quite a shocker for Jane to discover that her distant cousin was involved with the crime biz, but she had soldiered on, and they had eventually captured the dastardly villain.  
  
Aradia, the…unofficial third member of their team, had been responsible for taking out Galore’s bodyguard, Hotbod, also known as Dirk Strider. Roxy was certainly going to be rather displeased, and Jane was rather looking forward to the lecture that Dirk was going to be getting.  
  
Of course this case ended the way so many of their others had, with some idiot hitting a “self-destruct” button that some other idiot had installed. Terezi and Jane were old hands at this, and they pulled out their sunglasses, walking away from the explosion just behind them.  
  
“Oh my _gosh_ , this is so cool!! Guys, you totally want to see this.” Jane suppressed a sigh. Terezi twirled her finger in the air, her standard signal for ‘I’m rolling my eyes right now’. Being blind hadn’t actually hindered her ability to fight crime in the slightest, and it hadn’t been that long ago that they had put the bitch who did it (Terezi’s _very_ former crime-fighting partner) behind bars.  
  
“Seriously, you’re missing the best part! I think a crate just landed on someone’s car!” There was a smaller explosion off to the left of your backs, which rather confirmed Aradia’s theory.  
  
“Aradia, gumdrop, we don’t really look at explosions when we walk away.” She turned towards you, completely dumbfounded.  
  
“But _why_? They’re so cool!” Up until the time they had met her, Aradia was a forensic scientist with the police department. One of their cases had brought them into contact with her, and she had decided to quit the force and join their team. Sure, she was an asset and everything, but she could often be…interesting.  
  
Terezi cackled. “But sugar beet! They hurt your eyes. Remind me why you’re not wearing sunglasses?” Aradia sighed, as if the whole thing were a great waste of color and light.  
  
“You know,” Terezi murmured to Jane, “she’s brilliant at what she does, but I will _never_ understand our sugar beet.”


	19. Duels Decide Everything, Jade♣Kanaya♣Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jade♣Kanaya♣Karkat
> 
> Duels Decide Everything: Things are about to Get Real in the Fidusspawn leagues, and our heroes have to come to terms with each other long enough to win--or at least make sure that Tavros and Nepeta don't end up arguing over the trophy like last time.

\-- gardenGnostic has created a memo! --

 

\-- gardenGnostic has renamed the memo to Team Wolfcrab! --

  
GG: green wolf to red crab! come in, red crab! do you copy???  
CG: NO.  
GG: that is not how you are supposed to answer, karkat!!  
CG: NO, I MEAN THAT I DO NOT COPY BECAUSE I AM NOT RESPONDING TO A NAME AS IMBECILIC AS “RED CRAB”. WHO THE FUCK BESIDES YOU WOULD THINK THAT WAS A HALFWAY DECENT CODENAME CHOICE?  
GA: I Had Thought That You Would Enjoy The Reference To Your Lusus But I Suppose I Was Wrong  
CG: …SHIT.  
GG: hi kanaya!  
CG: LOOK, KANAYA.  
GA: You Can Come Up With Another Nickname On Your Own Time  
GA: We Must Focus On Our Goal Of Defeating Team Charge And Team Purr  
CG: HOW IN THE HELL DID NEPETA GET EQUIUS TO AGREE TO THAT NAME AGAIN.  
GG: not a clue :o  
GA: Persistence I Believe  
CG: THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT. I’VE GOT EYES ON LEIJON AND ZAHHAK, THEY’RE STILL TRYING TO FIND THE FIRST CHECKPOINT.  
CG: ZAHHAK KEEPS GETTING DISTRACTED BY THE MUSCLEBEAST HERD.  
GG: and team charge seems to be caught up with…  
GG: i think tavros is talking to butterflies  
GA: Good  
GA: The Longer They Are Distracted The Better It Is For Us  
CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHY I’M NOT TEAM LEADER.  
GG: you totally know why youre not team leader  
CG: SHUT UP, HARLEY.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Jade  
GA: Do Not Make Me Come Over There  
CG: SORRY.  
GG: sorry!!  
  
  
  
  
Of course, even the best of teams, such as Team Wolfcrab, were bound to hit a few snags. Team Charge and Team Purr had given them a third member, as sort of a way of saying “we know you guys suck at this and we’re trying to be nice”.  
  
The fact that the third member of their team was Kanaya didn’t have any sort of implications attached to it at all, nothing of the sort. Jade and Karkat argued _all_ the time, it was normal. Nothing pitch-ish involved at all.  
  
  
“Alright,” Kanaya said, holding a handkerchief in the air. “When I wave this, you may attack. If you attack before I wave this, then you are disqualified, and your opponent automatically wins. Do you both understand the rules as I have stated them?”  
  
“But Kanaya, you haven’t stated any rules!”  
  
Karkat snorted. “Obviously you’ve never been in a troll duel before.”  
  
Kanaya waved the handkerchief. Unfortunately for the more argumentative members of Team Wolfcrab, they attacked a half-second before she completed her flourish.  
  
“That settles it. You’re both disqualified, which makes _me_ the new team leader.” Karkat and Jade glared at each other. Of _course_ that stupid jerk had tried to cheat.  
  
  
Nope. Nothing pitch-ish involved at all.


	20. how to tree a dog, Dave/Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave/Jade
> 
> Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: A character encounters their most paralyzing fear.

A shriek split the formerly frost-bound hills of the Land of Frost and Frogs. Dave looked up, all of his senses immediately on high alert. That high-pitched scream sounded like it came from Jade, and keeping Jade Harley from being in danger was the top of his priority list.  
  
Admittedly, his priority list had gotten a hell of a lot shorter since the death and destruction of planet Earth, but hey. The top was still the top, right?  
  
So Dave picked up the pace and sprinted across the tropical land, trying to track down Jade. Who was currently…up a tree?  
  
He paused, blinking up at her. How the hell had she gotten up there so quickly? And in a skirt? Actually, more important that that, _why_ the hell was she up there? “Uh, Jade? Not to be a major spoilsport, but if you wanted to go coconut gathering, you could have asked me to alchemize you a ladder or something.”  
  
“Dave!!” Jade huffed at him, from her perch up in the tree. “I’m not getting coconuts! This isn’t even a coconut tree!”  
  
He shrugged in reply, flash stepping his way up to branch she was sitting on. It was a surprisingly sturdy branch, and he leaned back against the trunk waiting for her to talk. When she didn’t reply, he glanced down at her. She was clinging to the branch pretty hard, which was odd, really. For a moment, it had seemed like…  
  
“Jade. Did something on the ground scare you?” Her cheeks colored red, and Dave blinked. Holy shit. Jade Harley, scared of something? It was like the world was ending or something. Oh. Wait.  
  
“Oh come on, Jade, everyone’s got something they’re scared of. I’m not going to judge, Harley, why don’t you tell me what’s up?” He plopped down on the branch next to her. “Well?”  
  
Jade leaned against him with a loud sigh. “You’re going to judge me. Actually, you’re going to laugh at me.”  
  
“Harley, my brother used to run a puppet porn site and I’m terrified of the little suckers. You’ve never judged me for that, right?”  
  
Her eyes sparkled slightly. “Welllll.”  
  
“Jade. Harley. No. Don’t tell me you judged me for that, that’s so unfair.” Dave threw his hand against his forehead in mock misery. “I’m cut to the quick.”  
  
“Never!” She laughed, punching him in the shoulder. “I judged your brother for it, sure! But definitely not you.”  
  
“See? So fess up. What had you scarpering up the tree?”  
  
  
Down in the clearing below them, a fuzzy bunny hopped out from behind a bush and wiggled its nose. Jade glanced down and let out a horrified shriek.


	21. lost in a crowd, Sollux♦Terezi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lost In A Crowd
> 
> Sollux and Terezi just pulled off a heist by the skin of their teeth and need to disappear, cops chasing after them, they duck into a crowd to try to lose them.

It’s so much easier to commit crimes when no one ever expects the criminal to be you. TZ and I have it down to a science, really, and we’ve never been caught. I mean, who the fuck would expect the blind chick and the scrawny nerd to be guilty of at least six famous heists? It’s more than that, but we generally try not to let anyone get wind of our, ehehehe, activities.  
  
Not to brag or anything, but I’m PROBABLY the best hacker there ever was, and TZ knows the law inside and out. We’re the best in the business, even if we’ve done OUR best to make sure that no one really knows how to track us down.  
  
Our records are squeaky clean. Not even so much as an overdue library book fine.  
  
  
I’m guessing you want to know how we do it. Usually, I would have SO many issues with, I don’t know, GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY, but seeing as this is my personal journal, I don’t actually give a shit.  
  
So yeah, our latest heist. TZ and I—well, I’m leaving out what we did. The less I give away, even in here, the better. One of the most fun parts, imo, is the whole “getaway” bit. I mean, there are a shitton of stories about getaway vehicles and being stuck as the driver and other shit like that, but we have a special way of handling things.  
  
No cars. No drivers. …although TZ can do a really mean bootlegger’s turn when she’s in the mood. Anyway, we both look normal as can fucking be. So the second we’re done with a heist, we just…walk off.  
  
No, really. Just like that.  
  
Head off into the crowd and blend in. One of TZ’s favorite tactics is to start flirting with someone. You had NO idea how many numbers she’s gotten from that, jfc. BUT ANYWAY we’re getting off the point.  
  
People don’t _look_ I mean, they look, sure, but they don’t notice and they don’t see. You can get away with fucking ANYTHING if you act like you’re supposed to be there, or like you belong. I once convinced the substitute teacher for one of my classes that I was actually supposed to be giving a lesson on matrices, and he even set up the projector for me.  
  
Stay calm. Act cool. Pretend you’re part of the crowd, you’ve always been part of the crowd.  
  
Then there’s our favorite part: As soon as the shouting starts, turn around to look. Act like you want to know what’s going on. And don’t head out until the police show up with their “move alongs” and “nothing to see heres”.  
  
Seriously. People don’t look.


	22. we're learning, Eridan<3Roxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan<3Roxy
> 
> My Instincts Are Showing: A non-human character tries to live amongst humans. Or maybe a human character is made half-non-human. He does a good job of hiding his non-humanness, but occasionally his species's normal (and non-human) behavior comes out.

It’s not that I don’t try, really, it’s not. Because I do, I work my fuckin’ ass off to blend in and act like I’m…like I’m normal, alright, like I’m a fuckin’ human. But no one seems to notice or care or anythin’ like that, no, they just notice the things I fuck up on.  
  
And I don’t fuck up all that often, just ask Rox. Rox is…she’s the only bright spot on this miserable world. She’s funny and brilliant and if you tell her I said anythin’ of the sort I’ll throw you overboard.  
  
She’s also, uh. She’s also my girlfriend. That’s the human word for matesprit, I guess, and I’m kind of grateful that she’s found the time for me. I mean, I’ve not got a lot goin’ for me, alright? Even though I really SHOULD. I’m Dualscar’s get, the penultimate caste on the hemospectrum. Only, the hemospectrum doesn’t actually exist anymore, not on the human planet, and everyone looks down on trolls now.  
  
So yeah. Rox is all I’ve got goin’ for me, and she’s…she gets it, alright? I’m tryin’ not to do the troll thing, but I always forget, twitchin’ my fins at people as a reply instead of sayin’ yes or no, and growlin’ or chirpin’ or purrin’ or shit like that.  
  
Actually she’s been makin’ an effort to learn what I mean. It’s really sweet, I mean. She’s picked up on some of the wiggly fin movements, even if she doesn’t totally get what all of them mean. And she even tries doin’ those with her hands and shit, it’s so fuckin’ adorable. Even if she accidentally called me a stupid shellfish instead of her lovely sweetheart the other day.  
  
She conjugated the–  
  
Well actually. She’s friends with Fef, which means that she might’ve been doin’ that on purpose and such. Dammit, Fef.  
  
But yeah, Rox says I’m doin’ really well. I mean, I haven’t tried to attack anyone or anythin’, and I know that there are other trolls who have had trouble with that kind of hoofbeast shit. We try. We all try, we try really hard, but it’s so _difficult_ and they don’t even seem to care. No, it’s all just.  
  
Bad troll. Dangerous troll. A threat to society and our way of life. Fuck that shit. We’re tryin’, we all are. And like I said, there are the bright spots. We’re learnin’ to enjoy them.


	23. know your name (song), Latula/Porrim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latula/Porrim
> 
> Lovely Angels
> 
> Latula and Porrim are badass biker babes who kick ass and don't bother with names.

These things are all the same  
You say, I swear I know this game  
And when you lose, you’re gonna say  
Not fair, you cheated, no fucking way.  
  
Trust me I don’t need to know your name  
  
I’d count the times that you said goodbye  
But why would I even want to try  
You’re not worth the effort anyway  
Trust me, I really don’t need your name.  
  
It’s easy to forget you  
No, baby, it really is true  
Because I’ve heard it all before  
It’s always gonna be the same  
  
I still don’t need to know your name  
  
She’s my best friend, my partner  
Don’t know what I’d do without her  
So don’t bother  
You wouldn’t beat us anyway  
  
So I don’t need your name!


	24. out of my misery (song), Eridan</>Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan <> Karkat
> 
> Put them all out of my misery: "This is a villain who poses a credible threat to an entire community, is miserable, and blames it on everyone else... While Put Them All Out Of My Misery villains are usually at least slightly sympathetic in the sense that at least their motive is understandable, they come off as jerks for putting their own misery ahead of others' safety."

**ERIDAN**  
Give them the world, give them the city  
Give them everything they want but me  
I don’t even care  
I don’t even know  
Why do they bother with me anymore?  
  
You don’t care, and you don’t bother  
So why should it matter to me?  
Get the hell out of my life!  
Get the hell out of my city!  
There’s nothing you can say that would ever make me happy

  
  
 **KARKAT**  
You’re so full of yourself, so conceited  
Only obsessed with yourself and what you want  
You don’t even notice who you’re hurting  
So tell me why the hell you think I’d bother!  
Because  
  
You don’t care and you don’t bother  
So why the hell should it matter to me!  
Get out of the city, get out of my life  
There’s nothing to say that could ever convince me

  
  
 **BOTH**  
You’re tied up in your own nonsense  
Too busy thinking about yourself  
I don’t see why I would even bother  
Trying to help you out!

  
  
 **KARKAT**  
Forget friendship!

  
  
 **ERIDAN**  
Forget power!

 

 **BOTH**  
I don’t think it’s worth it any more  
You and I don’t even bother  
So walk right out that door!  
  
I don’t care anymore!


	25. for you, your freedom, Signless & Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Signless&Karkat
> 
> "Don't you worry, don't you worry, child.  
> See heaven's got a plan for you." - Swedish House Mafia Don't you worry Child

From the start, they wanted me to decide his fate. Visitors to my beloved’s cave would ask her, over and over, what I had in store for him. When she refused to answer, they left messages in varicolored scripts, sent up prayers, burned scraps of paper. _When will he come?_ they asked, _When will you send our Hope?_  
  
None of them understood what they were asking for.  
  
They wanted a map, they wanted a guide. They wanted a promise of freedom and hope and a future. They wanted a leader, they wanted to _make_ a second Sufferer out of some young wriggler. They wanted me to shape him in my image.  
  
 _None_ of them understood.  
  
To do so would make me no better than her. To do so would be to strip away the freedom of some troll, simply because I desired a specific outcome for the future. True, I have heard of trolls passing down specific burdens to their Descendents. Fulfill this task, take revenge on this troll. Become me and do what I failed to do.  
  
So when they brought their pleas, insisted that the troll I spoke of in my Vast Expletive would be the one to lead them, I laughed. I laughed until I cried, even though none could hear me. When my mother came, she understood, and she was proud. When my beloved came, she too understood, and she was happy.  
  
  
So yes, my Descendant. I have a plan for you. It is the grandest of plans, the most glorious of futures.  
  
My plan is to watch you grow into your own man, to become what you truly believe you were meant to be. Whether that is leader or follower, loyal threshecutioner or fighter for the rebellion, I will be watching every step of the way. My plan for you, Descendant mine, is to set you free. I can think of no greater reward for me than seeing who and what you become.  
  
  
\----------  
  
 _Once upon a time, there lived a troll who was born without a sign. He had no lusus, save for a jadeblood, and he had no clade, save for all trolls. He created hope for a new world with his voice and his own two hands, and upon his death, he spoke of a new troll who would take up his mantle._  
  
Once upon a time, there lived a troll who was born with the sign that had become his Ancestor’s, a sign that chained him to his destiny. Through the own might of his determination and anger, he broke free of the destiny that had been chosen for him, to follow his open path. And it was good.


	26. Keeping Count, Her Imperial Condescension ♠ Neophyte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her Imperial Condescension ♠ Neophyte
> 
> There is no such thing as justice,  
> All the best that we can hope for is revenge
> 
> \- Emilie Autumn, Fight Like A Girl

The rebellion is bigger than they think, and that’s all you have to console yourself with, on the long nights when the paperwork weighs heavy on your hands and heart. Bloodpusher, you think, and you count each slow beat, trying to let some of the guilt ease.  
  
Your training teachers taught you ages and ages ago that things would happen like this, that you might feel the pain of each life lost. It is natural and normal, they would have you recite, and these lives do not matter if they are lost in service to the Empire.  
  
(Your best teacher took you aside one day and told you that the only way to not become a monster was to let each death sink into the calm pool of your heart like a stone. To carry that weight with you, and add it up, the account of the lives you owed, the debt the Empire owed to all trolls.)  
  
And you nodded and laughed along with your classmates, but inside, you kept count. The numbers spiraled higher and higher with each passing year, a classmate lost in a careless exercise, when the purpleblood in charge didn’t seem to care about gut wounds. A teacher that some seadweller had a grudge against. You added them to the tally, kept count, added up.  
  
In the end, they would be the Empress’s bill.  
  
  
Oh, the _Condesce_. She was admirable, fearsome and fierce, determined and powerful. Anything that stood in her way would soon wish it hadn’t. Some days, you wanted to be her. Others, you hated her and everything she stood for. The older you grew, the more common the second sort of days became.  
  
So you had decided, at the ripe old age of eight sweeps, that you would become a legislacerator. You would claw and kick your way to the top, with a killer instinct and cunning moves, and with the least amount of blood on your hands as you could. You would win your place there, and you would bring her whole damn system crashing down around her stupid royal fins. If you couldn’t bring her to justice, you could get revenge.  
  
And it _worked_. It worked so _well_. You were getting noticed, you were moving up. She had even started to pay attention to you.  
  
But you had underestimated a highblood’s love of games. The subjuggulators set you to chasing the Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, a most notorious pirate. You were proud, she would be another checkmark in your ledger, another stone to your pool, another name to your accounting.  
  
  
Someday, you would have your revenge.


End file.
